Wedding planning .... Woohoo!!!!

Well, not exactly. While I am excited about getting married, planning the wedding has got me really stressing out. Every time I try to plan something, I think of something else that we're gonna have to do. You know, I'm pretty good at details, but when I think about having to plan to rent chairs and decorate reception tables it makes me crazy! It's amazing what all goes into planning a wedding - and I want ours to be simple! It's amazing how much money one can spend when planning this sort of thing, too!

Which is why I've decided to check into hiring a wedding planner. When I think of my wedding day, I view it as calm, serene, and solid - not stressed out, worried about caterers and flowers and photographers and musicians, not to mention getting myself ready. I'm hoping that a planner will be within the price range that I want to spend, because having one would really ease my stress level for the next 6 months. I know I have friends who are willing to help me - and have already helped so much - but there are still things that only I am going to be able to do. I just don't feel like I should be stressed out with my own wedding. I want to look forward to that day, not dread it because there are so many things that have to be done.

And then... it just happened (Pt 2)

After settling into the idea that I -no, we - will be living in a brand new house where we can very soon begin digging in our heels, we decided to go over there last night and take some measurements. Well, actually, Mike wanted to go over there and take some measurements of where the fridge will go, so we will know not to get one that's too big or too small. And I wanted to show the house to one of my close friends who hadn't seen it yet.

After pulling into the driveway (and trying futilly to take pictures in the dark of us by the "SOLD" sign), we went to go inside. Since all the doors were locked, we had to break in a window. (I mean, we're buying it, I guess we can break in...) So as Mike got the tape measure going, I called my friend, who told me she didn't want to come look at the house yet because it was already dark outside and she wanted to see it in the daytime. I thought that was a little odd of her, since the lights are turned on in the house, but I just shrugged it off and recommenced babbling to Mike about how excited I was about the house. And then I got a huge suprise.

Standing in the living room of our new house, Mike walks up to me and pulls this beautiful ring out and asks me: "Would you be the first and last woman that I ever love?" I couldn't believe it! After wiping away my tears as I continued to hug him, he asks, "So, will you?" I had been so excited that I hadn't said anything! So I said, "Uh hunh. Yes." And that's how it happened.

And then... it just happened

About six or seven months ago, I thought about buying a house. I told myself I wasn't in a big hurry, for a couple of different reasons. Not to mention freaking out about spending a lot of money on a 30-year committment (!), I also wasn't sure where I wanted to live and if I was really ready to step into my Grown Up Shoes. So I just told myself that I wanted, somehow, to be in a house by the first of the year.

So, I forgot about it for several months. Then a couple of months ago I started thinking about it again. It took me a while to decide where I wanted to live, but ultimately, the hour-long drive home every day after work told me that I should probably move closer to the Big City. So about two weeks ago, I decided to go look at houses in this cute little neighborhood. After looking at several that were just OK, I finally walked into one that I really liked. I loved loved loved the cabinets in the kitchen! And the cute little arches that line the walls and lead into the living room were really unique. Not to mention the HUGE master bedroom with a walk-in closet! And I can't forget to mention the back yard that is almost fully fenced. Oh, how it would be so nice to let the 80-pound puppy go outside without having to worry about him running off.

So I thought about it for a week or so, then took Mike over there to look at it again, and something I didn't expect to happen happened. He loved it! So much so that he told me on that Saturday to go the following Monday and get it.

Being my usual no-thrills, Big Time Thinking, Doesn't Rush Into Anything self, I told him that I was going to have to think about it for a week or so. I mean, it hadn't sold in two weeks, so what was another week, right? And in this particular neighborhood, I could always build one just like it if it wasn't there. So over the weekend, I talked it over with all of my usual Decision-Helpers, and decided that I should probably go ahead on Monday and try to get them to at least hold the house for me for a week or so.

Well, Monday turned into Tuesday, the day that I put down earnest money on the house that I somehow decided in a weekend that I wanted to buy. Tuesday was also the same day that the sellers told me that they were going to finish out my fence for The Puppy for free. Ah, free -- one of my favorite words! Not to mention the fact that I am getting a couple of add-ons at no extra cost, too! But those aren't the only exciting parts: I am supposed to close on the Awesome House in three weeks. Three weeks! I never would have imagined it would be so soon.

I've found that the most amazing thing about this whole process is that it has been so easy for me. All of the things that I thought I would have to worry about are all being taken care of by the sellers and the bank. I never once thought that it would be this carefree. Well, so far anyway. :)

So Excited!!

Last night I went a looked at houses. It has been something that I have been thinking about for a while now. I hadn't looked at any before last night, and I found one that I absolutely LOVE!!! There is somewhat of a down side to that (sort of). I can't really afford it.

BUT, there are several other options that I have. These are all new houses that I can have built, pick out colors and other options to personalize it to my very own! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I want to do it tomorrow, but I realize that if I wait just a couple more months then I can save up enough money to help me out in the long run. I just really want to get started on it! I don't know why I haven't thought of doing this sooner...

Little Things

Sometimes, the littlest things can make you happy, sad, or just plain set you off. I'll share one of my happy moments with you today. My boyfriend just called me -- he was at Wal-Mart and wanted to see if I needed anything. I thought about it after we got off the phone and just appreciated the fact that he asked. Now I know that I will not go to take out my contacts at 11 o'clock tonight and realize that I'm out of solution.

It's the little things in life ...

Mornings

For me, they are the most peaceful times of my days. Considering that I usually go to bed completely stressed out, mind overworked, this can't come as a surprise. But I can't really remember ever having these mornings before I met Mike.

Those of you who know me know that I dread that annoying sound that goes off at my bedside precisely at 7:01 a.m. every day. You know that I am pretty much always late. Some of you may even know that I absolutely loathe the sound the dang alarm makes. Any alarm, whether it's music or beep-beep-beeps. But I absolutely love waking up in the morning next to Mike. There is something about lying there, refreshed and ready for the day ahead, and knowing that he's right next to me. Maybe it's the fact that he's the first thing that I think about in the morning, which makes me happy.

Before, I would wake up dreading work and waiting/hoping that the worries that I carry would wait just a little while before they popped into my brain (and they never did). Now, I wake up feeling refreshed, like God has wiped my brain's worry-slate clean, and the first thing that I remember is that he's there next to me. And the worries from the day before don't seem to matter as much as they used to. I don't know how to explain this feeling. I just love it.

Speaking of Drugs ...

Yesterday morning while I was taking Gus out for a walk, the little guy picked up something off the ground, something he does all too often. When I scolded him and it fell to the ground, I noticed it was a teeny tiny baggie filled with a white powder substance. Yeah. Now, I'm typically an "every-man-for-himself" kind of girl, so I picked it up and sort of threw it out of the way, hoping that Gus wouldn't sniff it out and find it again. Or that some child - and there are several who live in our complex, I might add - wouldn't noticed it on the ground.

Last night, as Mike was taking Gus to the bathroom again, the little guy found it - again - and picked it up in his mouth. This time, he didn't drop it when Mike scolded him, and Mike had to pry his mouth open (a common occurrence on daily bathroom walks) to get it out. When they came back inside, we decided to call the cops, who came and took the baggie filled with white powder substance. Mr. Policeman said it appeared to be meth, but that he'd have to have it checked out. If it does turn out to be meth, we'll have to file a police report.

For the record, there are several young children who live in our complex, many dogs whose owners let them roam free around the greens, and our apartment complex sits right across from a middle school. Reality people. In your back yard.

Pondering the 'M' word

So, I've been thinking a lot about the 'M' word lately. I mean, I'm a girl. Technically we're thinking about it from the first time that we meet a guy. But back to the point. I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and found myself wanting to get married. Normally at weddings, I'm like, "Oh, that's nice ... for when I get married." And this time I was really wanting it more.

So it got me to thinking (love that phrase, btw!) about what it means to be a spouse. I mean, if I'm serious about marrying this boy, I'm going to be serious about the meaning of marriage.

To me, marriage sort of makes that other person your other half. As in, whenever you need anything - whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually - you go to them first. A spouse is supposed to be your rock when those things fail. And so, if I'm thinking about marrying someone, I want to make sure that they are going to be able to supply all those needs (because I'm pretty sure that in a lifetime of marriage, you're going to need help with one or all of those at some point).

And so, alas, this is what my mind is fondling with now.

One-Way Streets and Conversations

Why is it that my best blog ideas come at the most inopportune moments? Take, for instance, this morning when I made a left-hand turn onto Louisiana and noticed that the street was now a two-way instead of a one-way, meaning that I now can't speed around all the other cars like a crazed woman, barely missing the red lights, so that I can get up to work by 9:05 a.m. instead of 9:06. And I'm wondering, as I listen to the oldies, if the car in front of me is watching my head turn from side to side and realizing that I just noticed the newly-painted double lines.

Or take, for instance, the time when I'm sitting on the couch watching TV on a restful Saturday afternoon and I realize that I am now having a one-way conversation with my dog (unless you count his slight head-tilts as a show of understanding) about why he hasn't pooped all day.

Or the way that I explain situations to people in my head and make them feel what I feel by my words alone, only to forget that phrase (she looked bluntly bare with her wet skin lying on top of his) or that specific description (of the strawberries dripping sweet beads of wet chocolate down the lavender-colored wedding cake) when I sit down at my computer to write. It's like I need a typewriter on hand that will take down my blog thoughts and descriptions at times when I can't, like when I'm sitting in the back corner of a bar watching the fluidly movements of a blonde woman, penis bouquet in hand and veil on head, try to get down from the stage after grabbing a barman's crotch during a vulgar dance rendition of Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World."

I swear, it's like a phenomenon.

The wheels of the plane are taking off, and I'm scared

So, after digesting all of that about Mike's job, it just hit me that times might be a'changing soon.

I wonder if this is supposed to be the me "Happy that things seem to be taking off" moment or the "Scared shitless" moment or the "Running away" moment or what.

Well, I'm not running away. Let me start with some background.

I got it into my head yesterday that it was time for me to start looking for a house. I mean, I've lived in Little Rock for three years and I seem to like it. I mean, I've stayed, haven't I? You know how sometimes you just know things? One of the passages that I read in the Bible recently was one that I colloquially refer to as the "A Time" passage. "There is a time to be born, and a time to die..." Sometimes you just know things, right? So I thought to myself yesterday, "I need to start looking at houses."

A couple of weeks ago (or maybe it was last week), I started thinking to myself, "Yeah, I think I might be getting ready to get married." You just know those things, too, right? I mean, I have postponed marriage thoughts and subsequent actions as long as I can because I've always thought, "I'm just not ready." Now I think I might be getting closer to the "ready" part. Maybe not 100%, but a heck of a lot closer than I've ever been. And I might add, I'm not as scared as I thought I would be.

Well, now Mike is getting this new job. And it might be difficult for me to handle his finances if we don't have some sort of extra bond other than just boy-girl bond. Which is no reason to get married, I might add, but I'm just throwing some balls at you, so to speak.

So - and I'll be the first to tell you that I could be way wrong about this - but it seems like the wheels of the plane that has been firmly grounded for years are finally starting to shake up and take off. And I'm scared. The kind of nervous you get in your stomach right when the plane takes off, which usually subsides once you're on level clouds in the air.

Everything is all in due time.

Whoa

So, I just got a call from my lovely boyfriend about a job that he is likely going to get. Let me give you some background. Mike works in the oil and gas industry. For the past three or four months, he's been trying to get a job that would more than triple his income. The guys who have the say-so have been telling him that they'll keep him in mind, that he's next in line, etc., etc. Well, today one of them tells him that he's definitely going to get the job, and it will probably be next month.

Now you're thinking: "Why aren't you jumping up and down with joy? You won't have to work!"

Well, not so fast. In this job that he will likely get, he will only work 1/2 the year. ("Well, that's just gravy!" I can hear you say.) Only thing is, he'll work 7-on, 7-off; or more likely, 14-on, 14-off. Which wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that he'll be gone on those "on" days. "So NOW we're getting somewhere," you say.

Mike has already told me that he wants me to handle the financial aspects of this job - which is great because I like to manage money. Especially if I have it. :) Seriously though, I can do that. He's also told me that he doesn't expect me to work. He actually wants me to stay at home. (You're thinking, "What's the problem?" right?) Well, there are a couple of things that I'm concerned about.

1: I'm scared. I don't know how to handle that much money. I don't know how to do quarterly business taxes. I run from that stuff. And I would hate to mess it up. So I'm in the process of scoping out accountants as we speak. (Or as I write.)

2: I don't want him gone all that long. I mean, 7 days wouldn't be bad. I think I could handle that. But 14 is a stretch. I am really scared of that because I'm worried about what kind of commitment that will be. I mean, this is the guy that I've been thinking I might want to marry someday. So I'm thinking more long-term. Like, what if we have kids? How much will I want him to be home then?

And so I'm stressed, to say the least. I was just going to talk to him about this last night, too.