Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The wheels of the plane are taking off, and I'm scared

So, after digesting all of that about Mike's job, it just hit me that times might be a'changing soon.

I wonder if this is supposed to be the me "Happy that things seem to be taking off" moment or the "Scared shitless" moment or the "Running away" moment or what.

Well, I'm not running away. Let me start with some background.

I got it into my head yesterday that it was time for me to start looking for a house. I mean, I've lived in Little Rock for three years and I seem to like it. I mean, I've stayed, haven't I? You know how sometimes you just know things? One of the passages that I read in the Bible recently was one that I colloquially refer to as the "A Time" passage. "There is a time to be born, and a time to die..." Sometimes you just know things, right? So I thought to myself yesterday, "I need to start looking at houses."

A couple of weeks ago (or maybe it was last week), I started thinking to myself, "Yeah, I think I might be getting ready to get married." You just know those things, too, right? I mean, I have postponed marriage thoughts and subsequent actions as long as I can because I've always thought, "I'm just not ready." Now I think I might be getting closer to the "ready" part. Maybe not 100%, but a heck of a lot closer than I've ever been. And I might add, I'm not as scared as I thought I would be.

Well, now Mike is getting this new job. And it might be difficult for me to handle his finances if we don't have some sort of extra bond other than just boy-girl bond. Which is no reason to get married, I might add, but I'm just throwing some balls at you, so to speak.

So - and I'll be the first to tell you that I could be way wrong about this - but it seems like the wheels of the plane that has been firmly grounded for years are finally starting to shake up and take off. And I'm scared. The kind of nervous you get in your stomach right when the plane takes off, which usually subsides once you're on level clouds in the air.

Everything is all in due time.

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