Writing. It's a form of expression. For me, it's a way that I can escape from the world and delve into my own feelings and my own soul. It's a way that I can release things like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.
Right now I want to write about some things that I should really be talking about. My stomach is in knots. Has been for the past week. A lot of stuff going on with family, friends, etc. I just halfway don't want to deal with it all. The other half of me is trying not to stress about the little things, something I'm working on in my relationship with my soon-to-be husband. Only I didn't expect it to be this hard.
I just want to crawl in a little hole and stay there for the next week or two. Just everything that has been going on has really gotten me stressed out, angry, and really depressed. I used to think that I was depressed. Now I know how it feels. But maybe I should focus on the good things in life:
a. I have a good job. One that doesn't stress me out and make me crazy. That's a plus.
b. I have a great relationship with Mike. Now that we're 15 days from the Big Day, or better yet, 15 days from the beginning of the rest of our lives. I like how that sounds better. Wedding shmedding.
c. I have wonderful friends.
d. I/We have been lucky enough to meet a very nice and non-intimidating Person within the Church with whom we have met a couple of times about marriage preparation. I'm thankful for the marriage preparation.
e. I got to drive a really cool Avalanche today because my Little Honda appeared to have a low tire. And who needs that? ;-) Mikey doesn't mind.
Funny enough, focusing on the good in a not-so-great situation really does help.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Life's a Journey
I find myself sometimes looking down at my pretty Journey necklace that Mike got me on our first Christmas together, and wondering where we are in the journey. There are seven diamonds on this necklace, and I've often categorized what each one of them means. I think we might be at diamond #4.
I imagine the first diamond means the day that we met, when we didn't know each other that long. Maybe we had just decided to start dating. The second and third diamonds, I think, represent how our relationship has grown, with the third one ending at the night Mike proposed to me in the living room of our not-yet-fully-purchased first home.
And so I'm guessing that the fourth diamond stands for marriage. Maybe the fifth one stands for children, the sixth for our middle-aged lives raising our children and seeing them grown. The seventh, for sure, is for being grandparents :)
I imagine the first diamond means the day that we met, when we didn't know each other that long. Maybe we had just decided to start dating. The second and third diamonds, I think, represent how our relationship has grown, with the third one ending at the night Mike proposed to me in the living room of our not-yet-fully-purchased first home.
And so I'm guessing that the fourth diamond stands for marriage. Maybe the fifth one stands for children, the sixth for our middle-aged lives raising our children and seeing them grown. The seventh, for sure, is for being grandparents :)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friends = Lucky Me
Lately I've been finding myself thinking a lot about family and friends and their roles in my life, and I'm learning some harsh truths about the world that I wish I didn't have to learn. Sometimes, family lets you down. I guess that's why God gave us friends.
I have been really stressed out planning this wedding - if you're one of the 2 people who read my blog then you know that already. So it goes without saying that this is one of the times when I need people in my life. I'm finding out who those people really are and, while some of them are ones who I knew were important, I'm learning that others without that familial bond hold an equally important place for me.
There are a few of my friends who I really didn't realize just how much they do for me. It's hard to put into words what I am thinking, but know that I consider these girls my family because they have done so much more (in some instances) than my real family has. I'm not sure if that's how it's supposed to be or not, but either way I feel lucky because I feel like I was born with some family members but have inherited a few others.
It's also hard to talk about the family members who I kind of feel shortchanged by. I don't know if it's supposed to be like this or if I really do just have out-of-touch people in my family. Granted, most of them would help me if I wasn't so damn stubborn as to not ask. But then, should I have to ask? I don't have to ask my friends... They see a need and they fill it, or if they can't, they are there to help me know things will get better.
I say this and even as I type I feel a sting of regret for typing these words. I'm not saying that my family just doesn't care or are too wrapped up in themselves - sure, that's the case for some, but not nearly all. But what I'm saying is that I guess I'm just surprised that when I have needed support, it has come from people who haven't known me all my life, people who don't have an instinctive obligation to love me. I feel lucky.
I'm also wondering if this is what it really is supposed to be like when you're an adult. I know that when you get married, you leave your family and start your own. But I'm kind of wondering if that doesn't happen at least somewhat on a smaller level too, because I think I'm finding family in places that I didn't realize were there.
I have been really stressed out planning this wedding - if you're one of the 2 people who read my blog then you know that already. So it goes without saying that this is one of the times when I need people in my life. I'm finding out who those people really are and, while some of them are ones who I knew were important, I'm learning that others without that familial bond hold an equally important place for me.
There are a few of my friends who I really didn't realize just how much they do for me. It's hard to put into words what I am thinking, but know that I consider these girls my family because they have done so much more (in some instances) than my real family has. I'm not sure if that's how it's supposed to be or not, but either way I feel lucky because I feel like I was born with some family members but have inherited a few others.
It's also hard to talk about the family members who I kind of feel shortchanged by. I don't know if it's supposed to be like this or if I really do just have out-of-touch people in my family. Granted, most of them would help me if I wasn't so damn stubborn as to not ask. But then, should I have to ask? I don't have to ask my friends... They see a need and they fill it, or if they can't, they are there to help me know things will get better.
I say this and even as I type I feel a sting of regret for typing these words. I'm not saying that my family just doesn't care or are too wrapped up in themselves - sure, that's the case for some, but not nearly all. But what I'm saying is that I guess I'm just surprised that when I have needed support, it has come from people who haven't known me all my life, people who don't have an instinctive obligation to love me. I feel lucky.
I'm also wondering if this is what it really is supposed to be like when you're an adult. I know that when you get married, you leave your family and start your own. But I'm kind of wondering if that doesn't happen at least somewhat on a smaller level too, because I think I'm finding family in places that I didn't realize were there.
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