Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Friends = Lucky Me

Lately I've been finding myself thinking a lot about family and friends and their roles in my life, and I'm learning some harsh truths about the world that I wish I didn't have to learn. Sometimes, family lets you down. I guess that's why God gave us friends.

I have been really stressed out planning this wedding - if you're one of the 2 people who read my blog then you know that already. So it goes without saying that this is one of the times when I need people in my life. I'm finding out who those people really are and, while some of them are ones who I knew were important, I'm learning that others without that familial bond hold an equally important place for me.

There are a few of my friends who I really didn't realize just how much they do for me. It's hard to put into words what I am thinking, but know that I consider these girls my family because they have done so much more (in some instances) than my real family has. I'm not sure if that's how it's supposed to be or not, but either way I feel lucky because I feel like I was born with some family members but have inherited a few others.

It's also hard to talk about the family members who I kind of feel shortchanged by. I don't know if it's supposed to be like this or if I really do just have out-of-touch people in my family. Granted, most of them would help me if I wasn't so damn stubborn as to not ask. But then, should I have to ask? I don't have to ask my friends... They see a need and they fill it, or if they can't, they are there to help me know things will get better.

I say this and even as I type I feel a sting of regret for typing these words. I'm not saying that my family just doesn't care or are too wrapped up in themselves - sure, that's the case for some, but not nearly all. But what I'm saying is that I guess I'm just surprised that when I have needed support, it has come from people who haven't known me all my life, people who don't have an instinctive obligation to love me. I feel lucky.

I'm also wondering if this is what it really is supposed to be like when you're an adult. I know that when you get married, you leave your family and start your own. But I'm kind of wondering if that doesn't happen at least somewhat on a smaller level too, because I think I'm finding family in places that I didn't realize were there.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I encourage you to consider "other shoes." People will very often disappoint you if you expect them to be walking in your shoes. Every path and every gait is just different enough that it's easier for each of us to go our own way.

This is why we start planning weddings when we find someone who apparently is willing to walk a long way with us. Such people stand way out from the crowd (and even from family).

When friends and family disappoint, think a while about their shoes and how you would walk in them. These are the folks who are supposed to be occasionally thinking about your shoes, too, so there is a time when it's understandable to be disappointed or bitter -- but it's almost never productive.

Let folks know your shoes have gotten a little uncomfortable, even the ones who should notice on their own. Most of us will reach out to support someone who's a bit staggered -- but we're reluctant to seem pushy to ones who are trying to soldier on and not show the limp.

If I can help in some way besides reading your blog and offering occasional encouragement, please ask. Seems like there've been times I've been in shoes a lot like yours.