Bachelorette Bliss

Today was the best day. My closest friends picked me up this morning, took me to Hot Springs and we all enjoyed a Spa Day. We got massages, facials, and a foot detox. Then we had a private yoga & meditation session. It was soooo nice. Exactly what I needed. But that was only Phase 1. When we got back from Hot Springs, my friends blindfolded me and took me to “Phase 2,” which I had no idea and for the life of me couldn't figure out what else they had planned. Once they were sure I was lost, they led me into the doorway of my house, which they had decorated while I was gone and set up a table of fruits, dips, chips, etc., complete with a penis shaped cake (which provided jokes for some of the night). It was absolutely the best. It was much more laid back than a bar-party, and so much nicer. It was exactly what I needed! (Oh, and did I mention Petey? The inflatable, smiling penis hanging from my chandelier? Yeah, Petey provided the other jokes for the evening!) It was absolutely fabulous and I could not have asked for a better time. :)

Tonight, as I lay in bed thinking about all of this - reflecting, if you will - I realized something that I totally did not think about before. I'm actually thankful for the drama surrounding our wedding and for the disappointments that we've faced. Why? Well, I've realized that I have become more and more sure of myself and our relationship over the past few months. I've always known Mikey was the right one for me, but here lately, as our relationship has been tested these past couple of months, I am absolutely sure. In a way, I think it's made us stronger as a couple. Yet it's also made me realize that the wedding of my dreams is not a big, elaborate ordeal; it's being able to say that I am married to the one I love. It's not about whether we have a sit-down dinner or a cake-and-punch reception. I'd marry him tomorrow even if nobody showed up. And I realize now that that is the most important thing.

Good Things Post

Writing. It's a form of expression. For me, it's a way that I can escape from the world and delve into my own feelings and my own soul. It's a way that I can release things like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.

Right now I want to write about some things that I should really be talking about. My stomach is in knots. Has been for the past week. A lot of stuff going on with family, friends, etc. I just halfway don't want to deal with it all. The other half of me is trying not to stress about the little things, something I'm working on in my relationship with my soon-to-be husband. Only I didn't expect it to be this hard.

I just want to crawl in a little hole and stay there for the next week or two. Just everything that has been going on has really gotten me stressed out, angry, and really depressed. I used to think that I was depressed. Now I know how it feels. But maybe I should focus on the good things in life:

a. I have a good job. One that doesn't stress me out and make me crazy. That's a plus.
b. I have a great relationship with Mike. Now that we're 15 days from the Big Day, or better yet, 15 days from the beginning of the rest of our lives. I like how that sounds better. Wedding shmedding.
c. I have wonderful friends.
d. I/We have been lucky enough to meet a very nice and non-intimidating Person within the Church with whom we have met a couple of times about marriage preparation. I'm thankful for the marriage preparation.
e. I got to drive a really cool Avalanche today because my Little Honda appeared to have a low tire. And who needs that? ;-) Mikey doesn't mind.

Funny enough, focusing on the good in a not-so-great situation really does help.

Life's a Journey

I find myself sometimes looking down at my pretty Journey necklace that Mike got me on our first Christmas together, and wondering where we are in the journey. There are seven diamonds on this necklace, and I've often categorized what each one of them means. I think we might be at diamond #4.

I imagine the first diamond means the day that we met, when we didn't know each other that long. Maybe we had just decided to start dating. The second and third diamonds, I think, represent how our relationship has grown, with the third one ending at the night Mike proposed to me in the living room of our not-yet-fully-purchased first home.

And so I'm guessing that the fourth diamond stands for marriage. Maybe the fifth one stands for children, the sixth for our middle-aged lives raising our children and seeing them grown. The seventh, for sure, is for being grandparents :)