Not Me! Monday

Goofy things I've done - or shall I say haven't done - this week, starting with:

In an attempt to squirt ketchup from the bottle into the bowl directly in front of me where my uncooked dinner was being made, I did not tip the bottle to the side at the same time that I squeezed the bottle, causing ketchup to squirt out not only onto my shirt, but also right in between my toes. Because I am not lazy, I would never have allowed my dog to lick the ketchup off of my toes so that I did not have to risk getting my flip flops ketchupped while removing my feet to wipe them.

I did not attempt to mow our two-weeks-old-or-more grass at dusk, with the neighbors coming out of their houses wondering what kind of crazy person mows in the dark?! After finishing the front yard and starting on the back yard (it's by all means dark then), I most certainly did not quit during the first lap because I don't know how to put gas in the mower and it had died. On top of all that, when my husband returned home, he did not jokingly tell me that I can't mow worth a crap.

While paying bills, I did not write "9/30/02" on one of the checks only to realize 5 minutes later what I had written. Not only did I not absentmindedly write "02," but I also did not stare at the date and question why my "09" looked like an "02." I would never write a date seven years behind! I used to be a reporter, for crying out loud!

In a futile attempt to hang curtains, I most certainly did not drill... I mean, poke, more holes in the wall, all while not drilling the screws into the wall because it was too hard. After the futile attempt, in which I did not lose my temper, I also did not tear up for feeling so unempowered as to not be able to drill holes in the wall to hang curtains. Boy am I glad no one was home for that one.