Biting the bullet

I think I've finally bitten the bullet.

For the past week or two, I've been avoiding people - especially those most important to me. Why? Because I don't want to have to tell them the same story about how there is No News on the pregnancy front. It's silly, I know, but there's something about a pregnant woman who's over her due date that people just don't need to mess with.

Yesterday, for instance, after my dad called for the second time to see how I was doing (and right before my doctor's appointment - I was going to call him back afterward), I snapped, answering the phone, "What?!" I don't really know why it bothers me that people are asking... I know they're only asking because they care. And it's not like nothing is happening, because I am progressing. I guess I just don't want them to get their hopes up because then I will, and I do that enough to be disappointed already.

Anyway, after some light prodding by my husband, I called my dad back and apologized.

Sigh.

I guess it's time to bite the bullet. I guess the grandparents do have a right to know.

And for everyone else:  I am waiting it out. I don't want to induce labor. My body knows what it's doing. But, if Cole doesn't make his grand appearance by next week, I'll bite that bullet, too. And I'm okay with that.

Yes, I'm still pregnant. No, I'm not in labor. Now can we talk about something else?

Today has been a range of emotions. I look forward to my doctor's appointments each week in hopes that he will tell me something new about the state of my current condition. For the past four weeks, he hasn't. Still, like a naive little puppy, I look forward to them.

Let me back up a little bit. Judging from the comments of many others, my mother included, I was beginning to doubt that I'm really within a week of my due date. I mean, if I didn't know the exact date of conception, I would be doubting. Case in point number 1: I'm still carrying the baby really high. Which is a little odd since most first babies "drop" lower in the month or so before they're due. So the fact that his butt is still up in my ribcage means to me that he's not getting too ready to greet the world anytime soon. Case in point number 2: I really have not begun the whole "nesting" phase, which apparently comes along in the week or so before a woman gives birth. I mean, Cole's room is done, clothes have been washed and put away, walls decorated; but I still haven't had that strong urge to clean and sanitize and have everything 110 percent ready before he gets here. While we have everything we need to bring him home and into the world, there are a couple of things that I would still like to get in hopes that it will make our lives as new parents a little easier. But I don't have to. I don't feel the unexplainable urge to run out and buy them. If we get them before he gets here, great; but it's not like our lives will stop completely once he arrives. I'm sure that if I think a swing is going to be the only thing that puts him to sleep, you bet your little hiney that I'll find a way to get one. But do I have to have it now? No.

And that brings me to Case in point number 3: I still haven't fully decided that I'm ready for him to get here. Which is not entirely what I expected to be feeling with less than a week to go. (Once again, that whole pregnancy-unpredictableness thing reminds me that it's here to stay.) For instance, I fully expected to be completely miserable, mad that I'm "still pregnant," hating the waiting game, wishing I could evict this kid right here right now, thankyouverymuch. Instead, I'm really kind of calm about it all. Yes, my feet hurt, my back hurts and I can't sleep at night, but really? I wouldn't say that I'm so ready to have him any day now. I'm pretty content with him staying in there.

Fast-forward to today, in which I experienced am experiencing a range of emotions. I really expected the doctor to schedule me for one day next week to induce labor. And while part of me wanted that, a bigger part spent much of the morning mourning the fact that I was, or so I thought, about to not be pregnant anymore. While another part of me spent much of the afternoon on pins and needles, filled with anxiety about having to be induced when what I really want is to go into labor as nature intended, when nature intends. And by the time I arrived at my doctor's office, the parts that were left of me begun to think that I was just going to have to cry about it. A fully rational way of dealing with things when you're pregnant. :-)

After talking over all the options with my doctor, I realized that even if he had planned to schedule an induced labor today, I would have opted to wait it out instead. (Luckily, my doctor and I thus far have been on the same page.) The basic gist of it is that I'm not really progressed far enough yet for that to be an option.

So, while I left the doctor's office disappointed (for reasons I have not had time to digest yet), I am thankful that, at least for the time being, I can wait on nature to take its course. I mean, there IS a baby in there, after all, and I don't think nature is going to let me be pregnant forever. So in the meantime, I will just wait and count down the days until I get to have an excuse not to shave my legs for a while!